I started homeschooling in 2012.  I was filled with such excitement and naivete.  This was before I truly understood the world of blogs and pinterest.  At the time, I was the only homeschooler I knew, and I was full of blind faith.  Homeschooling took a lot of different twists and turns.  However, there is one thing that has remained true year after year.  The hardest things about homeschooling are me and my sanctification.  

Do you know what’s most offensive about my daily sanctification?  My very well-developed desire for self-justification.  I justify myself as easily and automatically as I breathe.  And when I lack joy in homeschooling, I know that I have fallen deep into self-justification.  Lost joy very often results in an impulse to self-justify both one’s disappointment and the need to “fix” whatever seems wrong.  

Perhaps you are wiser, more mature, and more faithful than me.  However, the reality is, in my flesh, I want my "goodness" to come from me and my efforts.  I want to be a "good" homeschooling mom.  I want to not fall short… like ever.  I want to keep up with all of the "things."  I don't want to struggle with procrastination.  I want to actually complete the curriculum we bought.  I want to keep up with the laundry and cook the cleanest meals.  I believe the lie that if I just did these things then I really would be a successful homeschooler (and feel really awesome about it).  Of course, I fall short in all these areas every single day.  And when I do, my joy goes out the window.  When joy goes, homeschooling gets a bad rap, for it never lets me feel the goodness I crave.  Homeschooling gets blamed for all sorts of issues in my life for which it is NOT responsible – fatigue, busyness, stress, etc.  Even so, my impulse is to self-justify… which is just a fancy way of saying “finding a way out of the discomfort of my sin.”  

Self-justification makes me look a little less bad and a little less wrong (in my own eyes, mind you).  But self-justification is both fleshly and worldly.  It loves self-sufficiency and opposes self-denial (both of which are anti-Gospel)  Essentially, it says, “I am the Savior.”
Every day, when I try to justify my goodness via the things I do, Jesus mercifully confronts me to expose my sin and reveal my confusion and blindness.  Homeschooling is not the problem. I am.

You see, we will never be able to embrace the beauty and glory of Jesus Christ until we understand our sin and our deep need for His rescuing, sustaining grace.  We will never be able to accept the goodness found only in Christ until we see just how much our old identity still clings (see Ephesians 4:22 and Hebrews 12:1).  
 
So, when I start complaining about how hard homeschooling is and how annoyed I am about this call on my life, I realize it is only because I need SOMETHING to take the blame off of me and my shortcomings.  Homeschooling is my goodness-stealer.  It does not allow me to find my goodness in myself; only by God's grace. Homeschooling is a vehicle in my life that forces me to truly believe that I, a sinner, have been proclaimed righteous through the work of Jesus Christ.  He is my goodness.  THEREFORE, I am able to do hard things for better results.  Every good endeavor is difficult.  When the going gets tough, my encouragement to you is to recognize that your greatest need isn’t a change of scenery, isn’t a new curriculum, isn’t a new app or organizational approach, isn’t anything this world has to offer.  

Your greatest need is Jesus.