Sometimes I really struggle with unworthiness.  In my weariness, I can allow way too many thoughts to wash over me.  If I am being fully transparent, these are the kinds of accusatory self-messaging with which I regularly wrestle:
 
How can you be a leader when your homeschool looks like this?  

You are a monster mommy.  How can you take care of more children when you yell so much?
Your failures are embarrassing.
Everyone gets "it" more than you.  
No one wants to be your friend.
You’re an imposter.
You’re a joke.
Oh, and then there's... you’re fat.  

Then I stop and think, "This isn’t how Jesus talks to me."  He does not speak to me in that accusing voice.  He does not look at me with disgust, like a child might who’s about to touch a slug for the first time.  No, Jesus is fully accessible and approachable… especially when I feel like the biggest homeschool parental failure.  No hoops to jump through to open myself up to Him.  There are no prerequisites.  In fact, Mathew 11: 29 says, the only thing needed for such fellowship is weariness ("all who are labor and are heavy laden").  My very burdens are what qualify me to come.  No payment is required.  He promises, "I will give you rest."  What a gift!  "Lord, please give me rest… from myself!"  

At the end of the day, this life as a homeschooler and parent takes incredible acts of daring faith – faith to believe that the above is true and that I can come to the table knowing that Jesus never tires of a tender embrace when I am feeling the lowest of lows.  It is His very heart.  It is what motivates Him: to sustain us with His endless kindness.  He can't bear to hold back.
 
Even so, if we’re honest, our faith has holes, gaps, inconsistencies, and vulnerabilities.  Recall that glorious line from Mark 9:24 where the father of the demon-possessed boy cried out to Jesus, “I believe; help my unbelief!”  That’s me, except oftentimes, it feels like the unbelief is winning.  “God, do I believe You are actually going to build the house?  God, can You really take care of all my gaps?  Do You have a plan for my children?  Can You truly save them from me? My failures?  My sins that harm and wounds them?”  When we start thinking and feeling in these ways, it is our job, by God's grace, to stop listening to ourselves, and to start speaking.  Start speaking Gospel truths, and to confess that we will never have enough faith if God does not supply it.    
 
By now, you all know that our core values are Excellence, Service, and Celebration.  Faith, Love, and Prayer are not our core values, because they are assumed.  As Christians, they already undergird who we are. They are our foundation.  I long for RCA to become a place in which kids, mentors, leaders, and parents all are encouraged by God’s grace, challenged by God’s truth, and inspired by God’s world.  On our own, none of us is good enough.  But in Jesus, the Father embraces us.  On our own, RCA won’t be enough.  But in Jesus, our little organization can play an important role in the growth and maturation of young minds and hearts.  By God’s grace, we will learn to walk by faith and not by sight.  Lord, we believe, help our unbelief!  

Let’s continue to keep our eye on the one who supplies our faith – Jesus!